keepmywhiskeyneat:

TRUE STORY
One morning, I was awakened by a knock at the door. I rolled out of bed, threw a blanket over my shoulder because it was cold, and made my way to the front of the house. I opened the door and a very nice lady of some sort of christian denomination handed me a pamphlet and launched in to a well-rehearsed spiel about accepting jesus in to my life when she stopped mid sentence and gave me a peculiar look. I used this pause in her speech to politely decline her offer and wish her a pleasant morning. It wasn’t until I looked at what she handed me that I understood why I stopped her in her tracks and then proceeded to laugh for the next half hour by myself.

keepmywhiskeyneat:

TRUE STORY

One morning, I was awakened by a knock at the door. I rolled out of bed, threw a blanket over my shoulder because it was cold, and made my way to the front of the house. I opened the door and a very nice lady of some sort of christian denomination handed me a pamphlet and launched in to a well-rehearsed spiel about accepting jesus in to my life when she stopped mid sentence and gave me a peculiar look. I used this pause in her speech to politely decline her offer and wish her a pleasant morning. It wasn’t until I looked at what she handed me that I understood why I stopped her in her tracks and then proceeded to laugh for the next half hour by myself.

(via fishonmyfinger)

corgiaddict:

corgisandboobs:

samizombi3:

x

AAAAAHHHHHHH

This Corgi is officially beyond fluffy. He is flurfy.

Fluffy does not adequate describe this corgi. It’s so fluffy its a SUPER FLUFF! Maybe even an UBER FLUFF. 

Flurfy. The flurffiest corgi that ever was.

(Source: levistrahovski)

asamisatotheplaneswalker:

guceubcuesu:

Its your cat now.

I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO ME

Cat in a sink. Like you do.

asamisatotheplaneswalker:

guceubcuesu:

Its your cat now.

I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO ME

Cat in a sink. Like you do.

(Source: humortrain, via staralfur09)

hollow-gram:

Saturday Night Live 36x12
“When you talk about guns you always hear a lot about the Second Amendment and the Founding Fathers, and what they would say if they were here. Well, I for one think that if the Founding Fathers were here today, they would be super freaked out by cars. You can talk to them all you want about the Second Amendment, and they would just yell, ‘What are all these metal beasts doing rolling down the thoroughfare?’ And you’d tell them, ‘Those are cars’. And then you’d try to talk to them about militias and they would scream, ‘How can you speak of militias when steel dragons fly through the sky?’ And you’d say, ‘Those are airplanes.’ But even if they could wrap their heads around that they would eventually ask, ‘Why are all the slaves out?’ And they would think that. You can groan all you want, but they would think that.
And yes, the Founding Fathers wanted you to have the right to bear arms, but the guys who wrote that would pee through all eight layers of their pants if they saw what guns are now. In 1787 shooting a bullet was slightly faster than throwing one. If you wanted to be bulletproof in 1787 you put on a heavy coat. So with that in mind, I’m all about Americans having guns as long as they’re the muskets from 1787 that take forever to load.”

YES.

hollow-gram:

Saturday Night Live 36x12

“When you talk about guns you always hear a lot about the Second Amendment and the Founding Fathers, and what they would say if they were here. Well, I for one think that if the Founding Fathers were here today, they would be super freaked out by cars. You can talk to them all you want about the Second Amendment, and they would just yell, ‘What are all these metal beasts doing rolling down the thoroughfare?’ And you’d tell them, ‘Those are cars’. And then you’d try to talk to them about militias and they would scream, ‘How can you speak of militias when steel dragons fly through the sky?’ And you’d say, ‘Those are airplanes.’ But even if they could wrap their heads around that they would eventually ask, ‘Why are all the slaves out?’ And they would think that. You can groan all you want, but they would think that.

And yes, the Founding Fathers wanted you to have the right to bear arms, but the guys who wrote that would pee through all eight layers of their pants if they saw what guns are now. In 1787 shooting a bullet was slightly faster than throwing one. If you wanted to be bulletproof in 1787 you put on a heavy coat. So with that in mind, I’m all about Americans having guns as long as they’re the muskets from 1787 that take forever to load.

YES.

(Source: interwar, via insane-hypotheticals)

I’m Not Lovin’ It

So I guess when I said “ketchup only,” McDonald’s took that literally…

Yeah, so, that happened.

Cookie Fail

Dear Panda Express Fortune Cookie which read “You are a connoisseur of food and drink”: Thank you for the compliment, but that is not a fortune. You failed in your job as a fortune cookie. Also, I’m eating at Panda Express; the orange chicken is tasty, sure, but I question calling me a connoisseur when I’m eating fake Chinese food out of a styrofoam box. Just saying.

                                         

Say Hello to Your Friends! Babysitters’ Club!

      

I’ve been getting ready for a new school year to start, and today, that included organizing and putting the books on the shelves in sixth grade. I happened across myriad Babysitters’ Club books, and I was still inordinately excited by them, like it was still 1994. I wanted to plop myself down on the floor of the classroom and lose myself in the adventures of the BSC, mostly to see what sort of insanity Claudia Kishi was wearing.

Is it just me or were the girls of the Babysitters’ Club serious ballers? Think about it—even though they are either thirteen or eleven (depending on the girl in question), they all have had boyfriends and other guys actively pursuing them. They travel constantly—Hawaii, southern California (where Jessi made several appearances on a popular television show), a random tropical island somehow off the coast of Connecticut, MANY haunted houses and mansions, crazy lighthouses, cross-country road trips, etc. They come and go as they please without the benefit of licenses or car ownership with little to no parent supervision. They have their own business with steady incomes. They’ve participated in boat races. They host radio shows. They randomly stumble upon Georgia O’Keefe sketches. They won the freaking LOTTERY.

Seriously—BALLER status. When I was in junior high, I had braces, no money, no charming fellows trying to pay me court, and I thought an occasional trip to the mall was super awesome.

Also, tell me this couldn’t basically be in one of the books:

"I looked around at all us girls gathered in Claudia’s room. We all really admired Claudia for her sometimes crazy but never boring fashion sense. For instance, today, she was wearing a baggy orange crop top and over that, a pair of overalls that she had cut down the middle and re-sewn, with one half inside-out. The overalls weren’t buckled. Insteads, the bib and straps hung around her hips and were held up with a pair of houndstooth suspenders. The cuffs were rolled up to show three layers of multi-colored day-glo scrunchie socks worn with purple sneakers. Her earrings were made out of repurposed house keys, and her hair was in a high side ponytail, decorated with polka dot scrunchies. She was currently eating five twinkies at once.
Maryanne was being quiet. She was happy because her super-strict dad, who was a widower until he married Dawn’s mom, let her start wearing pants last week.
Dawn had long blonde hair and a perfect golden tan. She looked like a surfer because she was from California and had moved to Stoneybrook.
Stacey was looking really fashionable, because she’s from New York, originally. She was wearing a slouchy emerald sweater over a lacy black skirt and patent leather boots, and they were obviously very expensive. She was drinking a diet soda because she has Diabetes.
Jessi was there too. She’s black. She’s pretty much the only black person in Stoneybrook. She’s a ballet dancer and will definitely call you out if you become anorexic.
Kristy was dressed like a really aggressive softball coach. She was even wearing a visor and a whistle!! (For no reason, now that I think about it.) She was currently being really loud and bossing everyone around, but somehow she’s still super nice and that’s not at all annoying. She says she has a boyfriend, but us girls are pretty sure she bats for the other team.
Mallory was not there. She was off being humiliated or contracting a terrible illness because she’s a ginger and everyone hates her. She has a ridiculously huge family. Seriously. HUGE. Maybe they’re really religious or something? But anyway, you basically need the entire BSC to babysit together for them. There’s that many kids.
Abby was the newest member. She’s a twin but we basically never talk about her sister. Abby’s Jewish and her dad’s dead.”

                        

Billie Joe Armstrong is just all kinds of adorable. Lurve.

Billie Joe Armstrong is just all kinds of adorable. Lurve.